Self-Absorbed Happiness

The state of marriage in our culture is in disarray. Most couples nowadays shack up before marriage to “test drive” their potential spouse. Many get married for all the wrong reasons. And then there are those who are so self-absorbed with their own happiness that divorce becomes inevitable. After all, who could possibly love a narcissist as much as a narcissist loves him/herself?

Sadly, the state of marriage within Christianity isn’t much better. The attitude of most Christians who get divorced is simply this: I deserve to be happy. God wants me to be happy. My spouse isn’t making me happy. I’m going to file for divorce. Screw God’s Word. Screw the Church. Screw the pastor who says I shouldn’t. My happiness is all that matters.

Don’t fool yourself. God wants you to know and partake of the joy of His salvation in Christ. But earthly happiness wrapped up in a divorce that is contrary to God’s Word is sinful. Period.

Here is how one author decries the state of marriage and divorce in our midst:

Instead of looking to the Lord who instituted holy marriage to define what it is, a self-absorbed culture redefines marriage as a mere personal contract between a man and woman to be honored as long as they both shall will. ... The culture has lost the truth that a husband and wife are icons of Christ the bridegroom, and the Church, His bride. 

Divorce is prevalent among us Christians even though God hates divorce. ... Is this the promise of happiness that a culture of consumerism has promised? Hardly. Thank God Jesus will never divorce you. His love abides through the forgiveness of sins even in the midst of tragedies such as divorce. Perhaps we should remember there are reasons Jesus said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). 

Obviously, divorce is also difficult for children. One of the lessons children learn from divorce is that when troubles come, there is always the option to just leave. Instead of having the love of God in Christ passed on to them, a love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7), they are often left to experience the emptiness caused by the culture’s emphasis upon love of self. 

Marriage and family, as God instituted them, have at their root self-sacrifice, self-denial, and service willingly given to another. 

Pastor and Elders: Caring for the Church and One Another

Husbands and wives, forsake happiness on your own terms and utilize a daily routine of self-sacrifice, self-denial, and service willingly given to your spouse. Work toward your spouse’s happiness, not your own. And learn therein just how wonderful the holy estate of marriage is. True Christ-like marital happiness is found in selfless giving. Selfless loving. Selfless faithfulness till death do you part. Don’t take my word for it. Take God at His Word!

Most gracious God, we give thanks for the joy and blessings that You grant to husbands and wives. Assist them always by Your grace that with true fidelity and steadfast love they may honor and keep their marriage vows, grow in love toward You and for each other, and come at last to the eternal joys that You have promised; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Divorce

One of the greatest evils plaguing our society is divorce. Divorce destroys what God has joined together, tears apart families, isolates and damages children, and gives license to the self-seeking nature inside every one of us.

No marriage is perfect. Because every husband and every wife without exception is a sinner, each needs to ask forgiveness and speak forgiveness daily. In order for husbands and wives to have this forgiveness to speak to each other, they must constantly be on the receiving end of God’s forgiveness in Jesus Christ, distributed in Word and Sacrament. Since God forgives us freely, fully, and unconditionally in Christ, we too sincerely forgive and gladly do good to those who sin against us. Sadly, most divorces are caused by the unwillingness of either one or both spouses to forgive the other. That is downright sinful.

Marriage, according to God’s Word, is the lifelong commitment of one man and one woman. God is the one who joins husband and wife together. And no one is to separate what God has joined together. Some will argue: God allows divorce in a few narrowly defined circumstances (i.e. adultery, desertion). Yes, that is true. But only because of the hardness of man’s heart, says Jesus. Whatever the problems, God wants husband and wife to be reconciled with one another. Always!

Let’s be honest. Most divorces are for sinful, selfish reasons, no matter how pious the justification seems. Here is a sampling of the most common false justifications:

• I no longer love him/her.
• I love someone else.
• We cannot reconcile our differences.
• We grew apart.
• We seem happier when we’re apart.
• God wants me to be happy, and I’m not happy in this marriage.

If that is what you think, get over yourself. Get down on your knees and seek the Lord while He may be found. Confess the many things you have said and done, as well as the many things you have failed to say and do, that have contributed to the difficulties in your marriage. And then, after having received God’s forgiveness in Christ, speak that same forgiveness to your less-than-perfect spouse.

A marriage patterned after the relationship of Christ and His bride (the Church), and built on mutual commitment, mutual forgiveness, and mutual self-giving, is a happy marriage. This is true in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad.

If you’ve lost sight of that, it can be found again. Indeed, it must be found again. Talk to your spouse. Ask forgiveness. Speak forgiveness. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Solicit your pastor’s help and guidance. And be found regularly and faithfully on the receiving end of Christ’s Word and Supper. It may be a difficult journey back to a happy marriage, but it is well worth the time and effort, the forgiveness and patience necessary to make it happen. By God’s grace, be reconciled in Christ!

“Let marriage be held in honor among all.”

[Hebrews 13:4]